Computers, computers. It's all some academics talk about these days. They brag about their processor speed. They share war stories about the Information Superhighway. All the while they talk in a computer jargon that makes many feel intimidated or left out. Yes, a new kind of class warfare is developing between the technological elite and those less-in-the-know.
If you find yourself yearning to join the nerdademics or if you're afraid to leave your library carrel for fear of being asked about your Internet service provider, fear no more. We've compiled a survival guide of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) for the technically challenged. Drop any of the highlighted words into your next conversation and you'll be in the club.
1. My colleague says his computer has a faster processor speed than mine. Should I take this personally?
A computer's processor speed is roughly equivalent to how fast it is. Of course, the true speed is also governed by the number of transistors in the CPU, the operating system, the video card, and the amount of RAM installed. Factors that usually do not come into play are the relative size of the hard drive, the amount of electricity you pump into the box, your gender, or your fondness for cats.
2. How much memory does my machine have?
The difference between RAM and hard drive space baffles most users. Simply put, RAM is like your short-term memory. It is what you can remember right now - and you very have little of it. Hard drive space is more like long-term memory, or a filing cabinet. When you launch an application, the computer finds the program and its associated files on the hard drive (filing cabinet), then loads the information into RAM, (short-term memory). The trouble for most people is that both RAM and hard drive space are measured in megabytes. If you ever doubt what type of memory is in question, just remember that the smaller the number the more likely it is that you're talking RAM. RAM usually comes in increments of 4, 8 or 16. Hard drives typically come in increments of 500 and 1000 (1 gigabyte). As with many other things, you can never have enough RAM or hard drive space.
3. Do I need a faster modem?
Yes, you do. Even if you have a new 28.8K model, it isn't fast enough for the Web. The World Wide Web consists of text, images, sounds, animation (Shockwave, Java, etc.) and digital movies (QuickTime, MPEG, AVI, etc.). While downloading text is relatively quick, even on lowly 14.4K modems, the more exciting Web elements are enormous and take time to download. Until ISDN and/or cable modems become affordable, 28.8K is as fast as you can go. So, if you have a modem slower than 28.8K, use the money you'll save on hair replacement to upgrade.
4. My university has installed a network. What is it?
A network is a physical link between two or more points for the transmission of information. Some of your net-savvy colleagues will talk about "the backbone" and other terms. You too can use these words, since few people understand them. It is akin to mentioning deconstruction and Derrida when deciding where to eat lunch.
Networks offer access to that famed Information Superhighway. That is, of course, if your institution's network is somehow connected to the Internet backbone via a commercial Internet service provider. You'll discover that your university has hired many of the kids you flunked in your Introduction to Semiotics class to link up your computer. You'll also find they are earning more than you, despite your 20 years of tenure.
5. What is a Web page? Why does the dean think I need one?
Web pages are documents published on the Internet and instantly available to anyone who knows where to look. Administrators want you to place your class syllabi on the Web so students can have access to your assignments at any time. You can amend your syllabi at will, without the hassle of photocopying it and transfer the responsibility of printing it to your students. The true glory of the Web is in the hypertext linking. Any word, phrase or picture can be linked to any other word, phrase, picture, sound or movie published on the Web. You can even link your syllabi to your treasured recipe for fat-free guacamole. The Web is full of guacamole recipes.
6. What is a webmeister?
The webmeister is responsible for the collection of Web pages on a particular Web server. Webmeisters are responsible for Web site maintenance, which means that the posted information is accurate and up-to-date, and that the hyperlinks work as intended. The etymology is difficult to trace but most believe it stems from the webmeister's close relationship with Mr. Coffee and Meisterbrau brands.
7. What is a URL?
URL stands for Uniform Resource Locator. It is the Net address of a Web page. URLs always begin with http:// followed by something like www.company.com. Since all URLs begin with http://, you betray your inexperience if you include the prefix in conversations. All periods in a URL are referred to as "dot." If you hear someone relaying an address as "http-colon-slash-slash-www-period-company-period-," feel free to snicker.
8. What is HTML?
HTML stands for hypertext markup language. This is the standard language to format information so that browsers on the Web can receive your message as designed. Add a "tag" before and after a section of text that requires formatting. Add tags to link information. If you want to bold or italicize text - add tags. If you want detailed online forms, animation, database access and secure transactions, hire a computer consultant. Newer applications reduce the tag task by offering a WYSIWYG (what-you-see-is-what-you-get) editor, but these rarely support the most advanced HTML features.
9. What is a Beta version?
Software developers make test versions of applications. The first round of testing, referred to as the alpha release, generally stays in-house. Once the programmers approach a final version, they distribute the beta release to a select group of users. Certainly any techie who wants to be "somebody" wants to be a beta tester. Beta testers have access to the newest and coolest software long before it's for sale. Of course, the beta release of a program is typically loaded with bugs and doesn't work well. Thus the peculiar practice of bragging about the problems one is having with hardware and software becomes clear. The computers of the truly computer savvy don't work and they're proud of it.
We are certain that there are many more questions that you would like answered, but time and space do not allow. Our best advice is to find yourself a guru. We're not talking about an omnipotent wise-guy in a robe, but rather a semi-conscious dweeb with a kind heart. Staying current in the computer age can be rough, but we can all get by with a little help from our nerds.
David Andrew is a multimedia developer with The Revere Group in Northbrook,
Illinois. [email protected]
Jerry Goldman is a political scientist at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. [email protected]